On TWINS!

Originally written: Tuesday, January 29th, 7:40pm

I went for my 2nd ultrasound today at 6w4d. I was very nervous going into the ultrasound, because I worried that with my recent kidney stone, there would be an issue and the baby wouldn't have a heartbeat.

So, the ultrasound tech got underway and found the baby and the heartbeat. She showed us the heartbeat and then said she had to take a bunch of pictures but would explain things to us. We were just sitting there chatting, telling her she should try to find my kidney stone, lol. We are just bsing, and suddenly she says "what would you say if I told you there were 2?" I said "2 what?" (thinking she was talking about kidney stones, lol.) She said "2 babies!"

I immediately started bawling. DH just stared at the screen and stared at me. The first thing he said was "she was right!"

I've known since 2 days before my IUI, when we did the follicle scan and there were 2 follicles, that if it worked, it would be twins. At my IUI, when they said they couldn't really tell if the 2nd follicle released, I knew it had and had been texting my friends with "TWINS?" After I took my first test, I said to my BFF, I bet it's twins. And as my beta kept increasing, I just knew it. I was a little taken aback at my last ultrasound when there only showed 1, but she said it was too early to tell... and she was right!

Baby A had a heartbeat of 128bpm, and Baby B had a heartbeat of 120bpm. The nurse said everything looks perfect but did warn me of Vanishing Twin syndrome.

Right now, I'm just trying to be positive and trying to really enjoy all of the happiness I feel right now. I'm not sure I've ever smiled so much in my life. <3

On 6W4D, kidney stones, & 2nd ultrasound

Originally written: Tuesday, January 29th, 10:00am

The first ultrasound went great. The nurse said everything looked "perfect".

Since then, actually starting that day, I was having lower abdomen cramping. At first I thought it was pregnancy growing pains, but then slowly realized it was a UTI. On that Monday (the 21st), I saw the physician's assistant at work, he confirmed UTI and I started Keflex. By that night, I started having left flank pain and realized it was a kidney stone. I went to my primary care physician the next day, had an ultrasound done, and had another urine dip - blood in the urine. That Thursday morning, I got telephone confirmation from my primary care doc that it was a stone. I made an appt with the urologist for the following day, and kept my RE's office informed of everything going on.

Kidney stones are nothing new to me. I've gotten them every few years since I was maybe 16? I tend to create really huge stones, but thankfully, this one was on the smaller side. I once had a stone so large, and causing so many blockage and infection issues, that I had to have it surgically removed and spent about a week in the ICU. I always knew you were more suseptible to stones in pregnancy but didn't think they would hit me so soon. I credit the early arrival with me starting to take Calcium supplements the preceding week, as suggested by my pregnancy packet from the RE.

Now, mind you, I couldn't take anything for pain except Tylenol, and let's be real - Tylenol doesn't do a damn thing for you. My pain relief was in the form of using my big tub all the time and a heating pad to my lower back. I would puke from the pain and had awful pain when trying to urinate. When I went to the urologist, I fully expected that he would give me something for pain... namely Percocet or Vicodin, which my DH's RN abilities told him are pregnancy safe in the first trimester and typically given for stones. Of course the urologist wouldn't give me anything - I almost started crying right in the office. He told me that the stone was probably already in my urinary tract, and therefore, the pain I was really feeling was from my uterus crushing my kidney and my bladder. He told me to try sleeping on my back. He said if I wanted something for pain, I needed to contact my OB.

Of course it was about 3:45pm on a Friday when I called. The nurse told me that if I wanted pain medications, I needed to go to the ER to "establish treatment" and then they could decide if I "needed" pain medication. Because of the line of work DH & I are in, we were able to quickly assess that the ER was mobbed and it wouldn't be worth me going. I stuck it out the entire weekend with my tub and heating pad.

Right now, I haven't really had any pain (except bladder pain) in the past 48 hours. I had been drinking lemon water like a crazy person (which is supposed to help break up the stone), so I'm wondering if it dissolved the stone a bit and I passed it without realizing. To be honest, I hadn't been checking the toilet for the stone, so who knows. I'm going to take it as a win for me.

I had an appt with the OB yesterday. They said everything looks great. Because I used to have hypertension, they want me to do 24 hour urine to test for proteins while I'm healthy and not hypertensive, so they have a baseline for later in case there is an issue. They also want me to do a 1 hour glucose test now because of my extensive family history of diabetes.

I have my 2nd ultrasound today with the RE. I'm excited but nervous. I'm hoping everything is great and we see a heartbeat, but I'm really worried because I've been in such pain with the kidney stone that not everything will be ok. Fingers crossed.

On 4W5D & When to Tell?

Originally written: Wednesday, January 16th, 10:30am

My repeat beta on Monday was wonderful - 1816. My first ultrasound is scheduled for tomorrow at 11:30am. After the ultrasound, we have a meeting with a "pregnancy nurse" at the RE's office. DH is able to come with me to the ultrasound and we are both beyond excited. I'm trying not to get my hopes up since I know I won't be able to hear a heartbeat, or possibly even see a heartbeat, but it's hard not to get excited. We should also be able to see if there's 1 DH-sized baby in there (lol) or twins. I just feel so happy that we are even getting to this point.

I had an appointment with my regular endocrinologist yesterday. They always said that as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I needed to come in in case they need to adjust my Synthroid. I have a long-standing relationship with this doctor and this practice, and he was beyond thrilled with my news. He knew of our struggles and he just seemed genuinely happy for me. I love having doctors I love. I did an immediate blood draw, and he said I need to call in a week to see if my Synthroid needs to be adjusted. Then, I come back every month to check on my levels. I usually go every quarter, so every month is a change - but I know my thyroid needs to be closely monitored.

As far as symptoms, I really don't have many. I have a constant "pulling" in my belly, like stretching or something. I wake up starving every morning. I have tiny bouts of nausea, and seem to gag when I'm brushing my teeth for some reason, lol. My belly is super bloated, none of my pants are fitting right, but I think that's mostly from the progesterone. I've gained about 2 lbs, but again, I think alot of that is from the bloating and the progesterone.

My plan is to not publish these posts until we tell our families what is going on. I mean really, most of my "regular" visitors to my blog already know what's going on because they have been online TTC friends that I've already shared the news with. But besides a select few close friends, we haven't told anyone yet. (And really, anyone else who checks this blog could see my HPT+ status by looking at my FF chart, lol.) I just don't want our families to find out any other way than through us. So, it's safer to not publish these yet.

I'm debating when to tell our families. Part of me wants to tell them now, part of me wants to wait until after our first ultrasound, and part of me wants to wait until we hear the heartbeat. It's really hard for me to keep a secret from my family, especially because I literally see my dad every single day at work. It's a double edged sword to me - I don't want to tell them yet because it's early and we could lose the baby, but then I want to tell them so that if, heaven forbid, we lose the baby, we would have their support. My parents are fully aware of our fertility struggles, but I don't think he's told his family (he's not super close with his mom, and I'm not sure it's something he would discuss with his dad). So, I'm not sure if us "trying" is even on their radar.

I ordered my sisters and his sister these cute frames that say "Guess Who's Going to be An Aunt" with a spot for the ultrasound picture. Since they all live across the country, my plan was to mail them the frames but write "don't open until you call me" all over the package. Then, we could Facetime or chat on the cell phone as they opened them. I was thinking of inviting my parents and his mom (his dad lives across the country) to dinner and telling them then somehow - either with an "I'm Pregnant" cake or special frames or special onesies. We may need to do the mail the package thing with his dad, too.

I don't plan on announcing on Facebook until we are out of the first trimester. I want to get our dog a "big brother" t-shirt and take a picture of him in it and post with the announcement.

On Betas & First Appointments

Originally written: Monday, January 14th, 11am

As you can tell by these posts, I did get more positive pregnancy tests on Tuesday 01/08, and I told DH as soon as he got home from work that morning. I put the 2 digital tests in a little bracelet box and told him I had a Christmas gift I had forgotten to give him at Christmas. He opened the box, looked at me, looked at the tests, looked at me and then goes "omg, this is exciting!" and kissed me.

I had an appointment with my primary care physician on Thursday, so I told him and his staff the news. He told me how his wife experienced multiple miscarriages, so he understood my being "cautiously excited". My blood pressure was a little high, but I had been soooo anxious and had barely slept since getting the first positive test. The visit was a follow-up to me being off my hypertension medications for about a year, so I understand his concern about my blood pressure even moreso now that I'm pregnant.

I had my first beta done on Thursday, at 13DPIUI. My beta was 306, which is very high. Since I got my first positive test, I've thought I was having twins. I will not be shocked or disappointed if I'm only carrying a singleton, but I just FEEL twins in my bones.

I went for my second beta draw this morning and will probably get the call around 3pm with updated news.

Once my beta hits 1500, the RE will have me do a transvaginal ultrasound, and then I'll move from a fertility nurse to a pregnancy nurse.

I also had my first ob appointment this morning. The midwife said everything looks great, and she had me fill out a ton of paperwork about genetic counseling (probably not needed for me), testing for Down Syndrome, and paperwork so they can get my records from the RE and my regular endocrinologist. She gave me a script to have a transvaginal ultrasound done between 6 and 8 weeks (I'll probably have my one done by the RE first, and then use this one a couple weeks later so that I can definitely hear the heartbeat), and gave me a slip for bloodwork. She also said that because I had a heart murmur before, I will need an extensive cardiac workup down the line. Other than that, I come back in 2 weeks. :)

On Cycle #12: BFP - 10DPO

Originally written: Monday, January 7th, 8pm

After reading a thread a friend had shared with me on FF about a girl with a lining similar to mine getting her BFP, I decided to, on a lark, take a Wondfo. It was a bit before 8pm, and I was on a 5 hour hold. I took the test, set it on the ground, and didn't really even look at it. When I finally picked it back up, a second line had appeared.

I was in such shock that I thought I was going to pass out. I started sweating and pacing, and immediately called my BFF. She, of course, is at work and couldn't pick up, so I left a voicemail and sent a text telling her to call me ASAP. When she did, I went over every detail with her. She said she thought she was going to cry. Up until I typed that sentence, I hadn't cried yet. I also shared the news with a TTC buddy of mine, Sandra. I was in such shock that I needed to discuss it with someone who understood this journey.

I'm waiting to tell DH, and I'm waiting to get really excited, until I test again tomorrow and see if it gets darker. Until then, I'm trying to be rational and explain this away - like that it's the trigger or something. I definitely never thought I'd see the 2nd line.

On Estrogen & Holding off on the Lap

I got a voicemail from my favorite nurse yesterday. Basically, the RE wants to hold off on doing the lap for now. They want to add an estrogen-based medication to my next cycle (if this one isn't successful) from CD3-CD12. I have the name written down at home so I can do more research on the medication. If my lining doesn't improve with that medication, then they want to do the lap and find out what's going on in there.

However, my nurse also told me a story of a girl with the same lining measurements and grades as me, and that yesterday she got a positive beta. So, she reminded me not to lose hope.

Right now, it's about striking that elusive balance between being hopeful and not getting my hopes up.

On Cycle #12: 7DPIUI Ultrasound & my crappy lining

Well, even with the daily progesterone injections and the 300mg daily of Endometrin, my lining is still shit - 4mm IE/TL. The TL part is good, but the rest is just shit.

I spoke to my favorite nurse and she plans on asking the RE if I should have laproscopy or a sonogram done to see WTF is causing my lining issues. In most cases, normally, you only see lining like this if a woman has had D&Cs or several infections before. Obviously that's not me since I've never been pregnant and I've never had an infection, so who the hell knows what's going on. She said IVF isn't even an option right now because there just isn't much for the embryos to attach to. As always, she said it's still possible for me to get pregnant, but let's be real here - it hasn't happened yet, so what REALLY are the chances of it happening? She said there are also some other medication options since the Menopur didn't bulk up my lining like they hoped. Her plan is to talk to the RE today to figure out next steps if this cycle isn't successful - hopefully by my call back this afternoon, I should know more.

I cried the entire hour long car ride from when I pulled out of the RE's parking lot to work. I am crying at my desk writing this.

I am physically exhausted from the poking, prodding, injections, suppositories, and all of the side effects. My butt is bruised from the friggin progesterone injections.

I am mentally exhausted from worrying about timing everything correctly and getting to my appointments and trying to figure out what is going on.

I am emotionally exhausted from wondering WHY this is happening to us and WHY other people have babies so easily.

I know it's bad when I hear disappointment in DH's voice when I give him the news.

I am no longer hopeful at all about this cycle and almost want to stop the progesterone injections and the Endometrin because what the fuck is the point?

If it's not one thing with my body, it's another fucking thing.

I am beyond bitter and mad at the world right now.