On Cycle #12 & IUI #4

I had my 4th IUI today - maybe fourth times the charm?

I had to drive to a further office because, due to the fire at my RE's office, they aren't doing procedures there. I definitely needed the "avoid ghetto" button on the GPS today, good lord.

Anyways, I got there and had my ultrasound. It showed the bigger follicle definitely released, but they were unsure if the smaller follicle released, although they think it did. My lining was only 5mm IE. The IUI nurse said that the lining measurement today isn't as important as what it looks like in 3 days. She said that they'll start me on the Endometrin tomorrow and the progesterone injections tomorrow. I go back in a week for bloodwork and ultrasound to see how the lining is doing. At this point, I really have no clue what else we could possibly do to boost up this lining, ya know? I have faith the progesterone injections will do the trick.

I turned my normal Negative Nancy thoughts into positive thoughts today. I refuse to let my lining number affect my thinking. We had 1, possibly 2, good eggs in there, great timing, and 30 million or so strong swimmers to work with. The progesterone injections are going to help my lining, the Lupron is going to help implantation and this is going to be my cycle. While I laid  there for the 20 minutes, I just kept thinking "those little guys are going to find my egg and it's going to be great." That's how I'm thinking today. :)

Edited to add: That was the most uncomfortable IUI I've ever had. I was feeling super crampy all morning, and what normally feels like a Pap felt very uncomfortable, almost painful. The IUI nurse said that sometimes when you release a large follicle, or multiple follicles, the fluid stays in your abdominal cavity and that's the pain/cramping you feel. Here's to hoping that different means good things.

On Being Hopeful & Thankful

After my complete breakdown last night, and my puffy eyes this morning, I felt absolutely desperate about my situation.

I was scheduled to see my favorite nurse at the RE's office to get a progesterone injection at 8:15am. When I went there, I saw the damage that had been done to their building as a result of the fire. They are now working in another, older, building that hadn't really been used in years. They have no phone lines, so they are all using their private cell phones to contact patients. They don't have fax machines, so they are using the fax machine at the pharmacy across the street. The absolute dedication of this staff is amazing to me. My nurse relayed to me that they were able to save all of the embryos from the fire - it truly touched my heart.

My nurse told me that not only is my endometrial lining thin, but it also isn't the best 'grade' to sustain pregnancy. They like it to "switch over" to a certain grade after ovulation and mine doesn't do that, so they are hoping the progesterone injections help with that. I'll do the injections every day after O, in addition to the 300mg Endometrin. I'm going to be a progesterone monster, lol.

After receiving my injection, and progesterone supplies for our vacation, I spoke to my nurse about moving to injectibles. The conversation with her made all the difference in the world. She has a very "kick ass" attitude, and talks to me like I'm her friend. She told me she really studied my chart before asking the RE the best steps, and it made me feel like they are really trying to fix the underlying problem and treating me as an individual patient, not a number. She said if I wasn't pregnant next cycle, I should definitely move to the injectibles. I told her that if I'm not pregnant this cycle (I honestly am not hopeful about it at all), I want to move to them for next cycle.

She is going to have them handle calling my pharmacy to get them all ready for me. I don't know my exact protocol yet, but she said because I already ovulate on my own, and early, I'll probably only need 5 days of low dose injections. She said I'll still do an HCG trigger, IUI, Lupron, and my progesterone. She said the biggest risk with the injections is overstimulation and multiples. Honestly, after this struggle, I would welcome multiples. I don't want to be Octomom, but twins would be more than welcome. Also, because they monitor you so closely, we'd know ahead of time if this is an issue and she said I could cancel the cycle or do emergency IVF. Overall, her attitude was very much "you've got this" and she told me it would be easier, side effect wise, for me versus the oral medications.

Because I've been such a whiny bitch, I want to come up with a short list of things I'm thankful for in this journey.

• A supportive husband who deals with my crazy ass, and comforts me during my crazy and has never, not once, complained about a single thing ever. "Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That's the kind of person that's worth sticking with." - that's my husband
• My husband's awesome insurance that covers all of this stuff with very little OOP cost to us.
• Living in an area where we have a few excellent RE practices to choose from.
• Being able to seek treatment before the "1 year of trying" guideline.
• Having the ability to seek a 2nd opinion about this journey, and falling in love with a new RE practice.
• The support that my friends and family who know about our issues have shown me. They, too, deal with my crazy and haven't complained about it, yet.
• Having friends who are also going through the same thing that TRULY understand the emotions associated with it. I don't wish this on anyone, but having friends on the same journey makes a huge difference.
• Thong pantyliners - life on Endometrin would not be the same without them, lol.

On Cycle #11 & IUI #3

The IUI went well. I did my ultrasound beforehand, and the egg definitely released, so the timing should be perfect. BUT, my lining went back down to 4mm. When the ultrasound tech told me that, I started crying. Ugh, it was awful. I just had my hopes so built up that the lining would be great, and it was crap. But, she said not to worry because there are women who get pregnant with 4mm lining and that my Endometrin (which I start tomorrow) should help thicken it up.

Also, the IUI nurse didn't seem super concerned about it, and I'll go back in a week for an ultrasound to see if the Endometrin is helping my lining. They are also having me do a Lupron injection in a week to help with implantation - I've never done that before.

But in great news, DH had 41 million sperm post-wash, which is great! Trying to stay positive.

I had it all in my head to eat healthy today since I've been eating like crap the past few days and not working out, but I figured the stress of the IUI and the tears from the lining warranted me a Wendy's lunch. LOL.