R & I started discussing babies almost as soon as we started discussing marriage - which was about 2 weeks into our relationship, lol. We had been friends for years and years, and had been teetering on the edge of a relationship for months, so really, this was a natural progression for us.
I knew that I wanted to start trying for a family soon after marriage. My initial concern was our housing situation, but we signed a contract to build our house a few months before our wedding - it would be completed 2 months after we were married. We both have great jobs, an awesome support system, we would have a beautiful home to fill with children, and most importantly - we both wanted to be parents more than we could describe.
So, in the plan I drew up in my head, I'd go off my birth control pills (which I had been taking for the better part of my life since I had turned 18), and then I'd get pregnant. I had even thought that I may end up pregnant for our wedding, a risk I was willing to take. Haha, what a fun little plan that was!
In reading online on some of my favorite message boards, I heard about a book called Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I bought the book and began reading - I think I finished it in the better part of a day, lol. I learned all about charting and ordered my basal body temperature thermometer.
I started charting the month I went off birth control. I use Fertility Friend's VIP service to do all of my charting, and really, it was a no-brainer. I even went ahead and ordered some OPK's and sperm-safe lube for our honeymoon.
I was surprised, although not shocked or concerned, when I wasn't pregnant for our wedding. My charts showed obvious ovulation, albeit a bit late, every cycle on CD18. I was definitely shocked when I wasn't pregnant after our honeymoon - we did everything "right", which you'll learn in TTC world doesn't always mean a thing.
After analyzing my charts after our honeymoon, I noticed a pattern - I only had a luteal phase of 10 days or less, and this was often accompanied by spotting after ovulation and spotting after AF. After reading about the importance of the length of the luteal phase, I made an appointment with an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).
Showing posts with label birth control. Show all posts
Showing posts with label birth control. Show all posts
Thursday, October 18, 2012
On Being a Mother
I was never one of those girls who always wanted to be a mother. Up until about age 25, I wasn't completely sure it was for me. In fact, up until I started dating my husband, I wasn't completely convinced marriage was for me. (Not that you need to be married to have children, but for me, the two went hand in hand.) As soon as I started dating my husband, I knew I wanted to marry him and I also knew, for sure, that I wanted to have kids.
The funny thing about that is, you always believe that when you want to have kids, you'll just go off birth control and suddenly it'll happen. No complications, no issues, just stop taking the birth control. It still boggles my mind that after spending 10+ years trying to avoid being pregnant, now that I want to be pregnant, it's not happening.
Dealing with infertility makes you question every decision you made about your life. Should I have not taken birth control? Did that glass of wine last week ruin everything? Should I have been trying to lose more weight this whole time? Is sitting my cell phone on my lap dangerous?
The biggest one for me is - did I wait too long to try? I'm only 30, but we all know fertility drops off for women after their 20s, so this plagues me often. I'm glad my life fell into place the way it did - R is my soulmate and the man of my dreams, but did my quest in taking so long to find this man lead me to where I am now with trying to conceive?
Something else that plagues me is that R was married before. His ex-wife is now pregnant with her new husband. I'm so happy for her (we are not friends by any stretch, but I know she longed to be a mother), but in the same token, I feel awful for R in the sense that, if he had stayed married to her, maybe he'd be a father already. Their marriage was not meant to be, but I feel such overwhelming guilt that he is not a father yet due to issues with my body.
The funny thing about that is, you always believe that when you want to have kids, you'll just go off birth control and suddenly it'll happen. No complications, no issues, just stop taking the birth control. It still boggles my mind that after spending 10+ years trying to avoid being pregnant, now that I want to be pregnant, it's not happening.
Dealing with infertility makes you question every decision you made about your life. Should I have not taken birth control? Did that glass of wine last week ruin everything? Should I have been trying to lose more weight this whole time? Is sitting my cell phone on my lap dangerous?
The biggest one for me is - did I wait too long to try? I'm only 30, but we all know fertility drops off for women after their 20s, so this plagues me often. I'm glad my life fell into place the way it did - R is my soulmate and the man of my dreams, but did my quest in taking so long to find this man lead me to where I am now with trying to conceive?
Something else that plagues me is that R was married before. His ex-wife is now pregnant with her new husband. I'm so happy for her (we are not friends by any stretch, but I know she longed to be a mother), but in the same token, I feel awful for R in the sense that, if he had stayed married to her, maybe he'd be a father already. Their marriage was not meant to be, but I feel such overwhelming guilt that he is not a father yet due to issues with my body.
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